Scion of NLP

Archive for December, 2009

It’s funny — not in a ‘ha-ha’ sort of way, but more of a ‘hmmm…interesting’ kinda way — I recently had a discussion by email with someone who commented on the My Story section of my blog. It’s the place where I tell the story of using NLP to help learn to control my depression. They said something that left me thinking that it might be hard for people to realize that no matter who you are or how you’re raised, it only takes one person to give you love enough to help get you through the difficult times in life … as it’s been said:

To the world you may only be one person … but to one person you may be the world.

– That person for me growing up was my dad.

Being inspired to think back on all the times in my childhood that I remember filled with joy and happiness, I realized that they almost all incorporated my father in some way or another:

• Camping at Lake Newell in Brooks, Alberta
• Hiking in Dinosaur Provincial Park
• Watching the ball drop in Times Square one New Years Eve
• Teaching me Judo moves while play-wrestling
• Making me a sand-box in the backyard
• Building me a rope swing
• Teaching me to cook tex-mex stew and how to barbeque pork chops
• Taking me to the airport and letting me go to visit my friend in Victoria by myself
• Sitting on the back deck watching the sunset
• Taking me to the muppets movie even though you wanted to see something else
• Letting me rent “Every Which Way But Loose” for the millionth time
• Playing the same boring card games with me all the times I was in the hospital
• Watching the Stanley Cup playoffs together
• Watching the late night news while eating popcorn
• Scratching my back to help calm me when I was violently sick and scared
• Letting me steal sips of your coffee
• Talking with me about ways to deal with bullies when they picked on me
• Trusting me to set my own bed time and be responsible for getting up for school the next day
• Sitting next to my hospital bed in the emergency room at 3:00am with a calm, steady expression of confidence, while you reassured me that everything will be okay

And the list goes on and on. My dad supported me and encouraged me whenever things got bad with my mom and through all those experiences I learned to be the man I am today. He was the one person when I was a kid that I could depend on no matter how bad things got. Now, as a father myself, it is those memories which I use to set the standard of being the best dad I can be.

Forever will I be grateful for all the things you taught me and all the gifts you gave me … and most of all, I’m grateful for the love you showed me. Thank you.

In martial arts one of the key elements is timing. For example, without proper timing you can’t effectively block a strike — too soon and your opponent can compensate and get past it … too late and you simply get hit.

In the same way, timing is just as important to striking — in order to take advantage of an opening you must be able to catch it when it comes … and sometime, those opportunities can pass you by in an instant! For that reason, timing is only part of the equation in success — technique is the other. With proper technique your flexibility on timing becomes greater — you’re much faster with perfect technique and that gives you a larger time frame in which to seize your chance to strike!

All of this combined gives well trained martial artists a much keener sense of battle. Whenever you hear someone talk about how everything seemed to slow down and they could see everything happening in slow motion, all at once, it’s because they have the skills of timing and technique combined; however, that doesn’t necessarily guarantee success — even the best martial artists miss. (I mean, Babe Ruth struck out hundreds of times in order to make all those hits)

So, one might then ask: where does strategy come into play? Well, that’s a good question and it has to do with knowing your own strengths and weaknesses while also recognizing those of your opponent. When you know what moves your opponent favors and where they are lacking in skill, you can use that to your advantage. Bringing in the concept of chess and you suddenly have a situation where a fighter must think ahead … plan out what moves he/she will make and what they expect their opponent to do. When a martial artist can see multiple moves ahead and know how to react so that they create the pattern of strikes and blocks on both sides of the battle — that is a true master!

  Today I was once again made aware of how far I am from being a true master in business.

Over the last several hours I played out the pattern of moves that can be expected to come from a simple decision I made only a couple days ago … and I saw myself lose the perfect opportunity to strike out at huge success. The worst part? I even knew better. (don’t ya just hate that!! when you know that you know better but you do it anyway! geez!)

In NLP we say there is no failure, only feedback; however, that’s different than loss. Failure is an executed plan lacking the degree of success which was expected … on the other hand, loss is the removal of something in return for nothing. Failure happens when you stop moving towards a goal. Loss refers to the things which are given up or taken away.

Although I have not failed (the feedback I have received is to be more committed and cognizant of the purpose for my values in the future) because I will keep working towards wealth and success … I did have a huge loss — 3 years of work to be precise. And yes, some of that work can be salvaged, but it still takes an emotional toll on one’s hopes and dreams when we watch in slow motion the outcome of a decision turn our life down a different path than we had planned.

My father always taught me to never risk what I wasn’t willing to lose — so, I took the risk knowing that if it didn’t work I’d just need to pick myself back up and keep going … yet, I feel I’ll need a short time to grieve for my losses of effort. I mean, just because a millionaire can lose it all and be able to build their fortune back up, doesn’t mean they aren’t angry and upset about losing it in the first place.

What the hell does freewill mean and does it really exist??

That’s a great question which NLP has endeavored to answer for a long time … and the debate of conscious versus unconscious level of control rages on even today.

TV and movies would have us believe that the unconscious mind is the master, while our institutional rights and freedoms dictate that everything is a conscious choice which we are all ultimately accountable for.

Myself … I still sit happily on the fence … living in that soothing gray area that says it’s a little bit of both. Zefrank talked about it once and I found the video quite enlightening and insightful …