Scion of NLP

Archive for February, 2010

It’s funny that I’ve recently begun re-reading the Tao of Pooh again. So many things we learn and commit to doing … well … it seems that we slowly begin to eventually stop doing them — until one day someone teaches us the old lesson again and we remember that we used to do it all the time … but then we stopped and can’t remember what happened that made us stop.

Almost seems funny when you think about it.

Taoism is about finding happiness in the moment, whatever may be happening (good or bad). That’s something that’s hard to do when filters of depression are shading everything you experience and your mind keeps focusing and dwelling on the crappy things in life.

However, in NLP we say there is no failure, only feedback. This too is sometimes hard to remember when you’re dealing with the crap poop life throws your way. I recently had a chance to sit and talk opening with my partner Jodie and she gave me a metaphor that really helped put things in perspective … and thinking about it has lead to a life lesson that I’m going to take from my recent war on depressing behaviors …

I used to have an NLP colleague who would always phrase everything as if the experience you were having had an intention — for example, if you’re having shoulder pain she’d ask what the pain was trying to tell you (or what your body was trying to teach you). Today I realized what the challenge is that I’m going to take away from the recent stumble my business has had –

Since I’m doing what I know I must in order to make my NLP business a success, the challenge if to maintain the systems, plans and procedures which I’ve established … I gotta keep doing them even through the tough times if I ever plan on making it to the big time.

Now, the only question which remains is …

Can I do it???

  yeah … Thanks … I know I can, too!

To All My Loved Ones,

It was really great to see a couple of you again. I know that when I was on leave from the front lines I wasn’t able to get in touch with everybody but please know that I wanted to — you are all in my heart, forever. Sarge says that if things stay quiet I’ll continue to get even more chances to come visit.

Lately the enemy has been putting less and less effort in fighting back, and when I utilize my NLP-Fu I can usually overpower them in one shot. Granted, this doesn’t mean that life is all better — I’m still back at work full-time does something other than my life’s passion (NLP), my business is still struggling (for the moment), the bank is still breathing down my neck, and I’m still behind on my rent (bless the kind people who have helped out on that one — YOU ROCK! — and I’ll be forever grateful) — but things have changed enough for me to see all those ‘negative’ things as just ‘temporary setbacks’ rather than signs of the impending death of all my life’s hopes and dreams. For the time, I remain in a constant state of numbness in order to stay in control of the rebellious habits that make up the faction of my mind commonly referred to by psychologists as ‘My Depression.’

In no time I expect my energy reserves will be up enough to get back to work on building my NLP career, catching up on paying some of the company’s debts with a second job and expanding my circle of business friends and relations… maybe soon I’ll be ready to even go out and see people again! Boo-ya!

Anyway, as it is, I probably won’t need to send any more letters from the front lines (at least for a while) because I’ll be able to stay in touch with everybody when I’m back home and being my true self (the happy, positive, patient, silly, can-do-anything Daniel that ya’all know and love). It’ll be good to get back to responding to emails, taking phone calls, get’n shit done, and making time to play with my son.

Oh crap! I gotta go everybody — Sarge just gave me a look to remind me I need to get some chow… one of the things all of us on the front lines of depression gotta do each and every day in order to stay in control of those unhealthy habits and negative filters is to eat and exercise — something a lot of the guys and gals out here forget to do — lucky for me that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and NLP gave me the ability to put a well trained Sargeant in charge of my unit, otherwise I’d never choose to do those kinds of things when I’m in the midst of battling anger and angst.

Coming home soon,
Daniel

P.S. Tell my little boy not to fear, he’ll see the real dad I can be again soon.

My Dearest Family and Friends,

Sarge says we might be heading home soon!!! (Hoo-ray!)

Every day the enemy seems to be breaking and running sooner and sooner. Their battle efforts have become more diminished and it’s been getting easier to over-come the onslaught of negative thoughts, ideas and mental images!

I’ve been gone to war for a long time now and this year, right from the beginning, has been a real battle… but we are winning. Some of the other guys and gals say I shouldn’t jinx it by telling you but I’m just so excited that I might get to be myself again soon.

Yeah, things have been sucking lately. That part is still true. When my business lost its main source of income a few months ago everything started going down hill… we used up all our savings to publish the book with hopes it’d save the day but it’s been just too little too late. Hell, I’ll even admit that it was pretty stupid to put all our eggs in one basket like that — but we had so many prospects there was no way it we could fail… however… we did.

Nothing panned out and it was the exact thing the Habits of Depression were waiting for to capitalize on. As I had mentioned in my first letter, their faction really is nothing more than a bunch of anti-positive propaganda filters for the mind… and boy were they able to leverage all the crappy things that went wrong from that point on. They made sure that I felt every tiny little thing that fell through was one more nail in the coffin of all my hopes and dreams. Even when things just faltered a little bit, those bastards were right there to creatively explain how it means I was cursed and doomed to lead an pitiful exists for the rest of my days.

Even now, on the shortwave radio, I can hear them faintly just beyond the drone of static day to day thoughts… propaganda about how it’ll never work… life is cruel… everyone hates you… etc. At first I tried not to listen to them but Sarge taught us how that’s a bad idea — they might be conducive to a happy and positive life, but they still have the best of intentions.

Some of the guys and gals say Sarge is full of shit — they said these negative terrorists which have taken refuge in our unconscious mind are all bad and need to be wiped out. In the end, I think Sarge was right. Originally, these so-called bad filters were just trying to protect us. As a child, when I failed over and over and over and it just hurt so damn much… well, at that point those filters were created as a way to protect myself from the pain of disappointment and loss. I mean, if you never dream of being happy, then you’ll never feel the pain of unhappiness.

Granted, they’ve become the enemy because their zealous attitude of trying to control the whole mind in order to avoid ever feeling of fear, anxiety, pain, hurt, loss, anger, sadness, jealousy, or any of the other unpleasant experiences of life… well, the truth is, now they’re causing those feelings. Those negative filters and bringing about a lot of negative feelings in my world — what once was the cure has now become the poison.

And so, today the battle rages on… but, perhaps I’ll get this uprising of depressing filters under control soon and maybe (just, maybe!) I’ll make home in time for my son’s 10^th birthday! I’ll write again as soon as I know more… until then, remember that I’m thinking of you and you still mean the world to me — each of you! Above all else, please be certain to give my little boy a hugs and kiss and tell him daddy sends his love (but don’t tell him I’m coming yet… I don’t want him to get his hopes up, just in case something happens to bolster the enemy resistence).

All my love,
Daniel

Dearest Loved Ones,

There has been a break in the clouds recently and the enemy has retreated for a short time. Sarge can’t say when they’ll be back, but in the meantime I have a moment to scratch another quick letter home.

It’s been tough going for a while — the commander in charge says this latest uprising was expected but they just didn’t have a plan for when. You see, depression (for some people) isn’t really curable in the finite sense of the word… it’s more like something you can ‘manage’ with the right medications and skill sets. I’m one of the lucky ones — with my NLP training it’s a lot easier for me to fight back because I have special ops skills and resources at my disposal — some of the other guys and gals out here don’t even seem to have basic combat supplies. Eventually I’d like to get back to helping them with some advanced training in closed quarter tactics and strategy… for now though; I know I need to stay focused on getting my self back home.

I talked with my unit’s medic and she’s gotten me some extra support through drugs… I know antidepressants were never meant to be an end all answer to depression — their whole purpose is just to keep things more in balance until you can pull yourself back out of the trenches. The enemy’s never-ending war propaganda seems relentless in its efforts to keep me unfocused and misdirected — they’re always trying to contradict what the medic says. On the old shortwave radio we can hear those bastards every now and then… ‘If you were really in control you wouldn’t need meds! They don’t help anyway!’ Some days I wish I could just turn that goddamn radio off!

Sarge just poked me (he was reading the letter over my shoulder) and he reminded me that this radio is the only one my unit gets. If we start shutting things off it’s the same as letting the enemy win — once you start turning off things in your life you don’t stop until you those insidious bastards convince you to shut off yourself.

Anyway, I do need to keep up my rest so I’ll finish up this letter here. Sarge makes us put as much energy as possible to the war efforts which will get me back home… I can’t wait to be back home with all of you. I love you all and miss my time chatting over coffee and sharing ideas and experiences and helping each other with their little endeavors. As soon as this war is over I’ll be back but, for now, know that my heart (the real one — not the cold and unfeeling one that you’ve been seeing lately) is missing you all and loves you very much.

With all my love,
Daniel

P.S. Give my little boy a kiss and please tell him that daddy loves him with all his heart!

Dearest Family and Friends,

Some of you may have been wondering where I’ve been for a while and what’s been going on with me… some of you haven’t heard from me in a long time and I’m sure you may be curious why. Have I been working on a new book? Teaching lots of NLP courses? Gone on vacation? — Nope. I must sadly admit that I have once again been drafted to go to war in the great battle against depression. So, here I am, doing another tour of duty on the front lines of Anger and Angst.

It’s tragic out here and I miss you all very much. Lately it’s been pretty brutal — we see a lot of misfortune, heartbreak, and horror fighting on the front lines. It’s really hard to keep going some days but Sarge keeps pushing us. He can be really tough and mean, but that’s the only way we’ll all make it through.

It’s funny — people back home often think that Depression is a state… however, they’re wrong. Recently, in the last decade, I’ve even heard that psychologists have begun to identify depression as a behavior, even going so far as to say people are ‘Depressing’ rather than depressed … they’re wrong, too.

As a professional NLPer I can tell you that depression (in all its forms) are best likened to perceptual filters. Learning the habit of depressing was about developing the ability to see the world in a very unpleasant way — focusing on the negative in an unhealthy way. (For everybody wondering how you focus on negative things in a healthy way, it’s all about using the negative perceptions to motivate us to do what’s necessary to feel better rather then doing things to make it worse.)

God, I’m tired. Sometimes I don’t think people realize how much hard work it is being a soldier… even in this war. The amount of energy it takes to keep fighting the constant mental onslaught of negativity and bad feelings — sometimes I just wish I could sleep for weeks… but Sarge says that’s dangerous thinking. He’s really gotta bust my ass to get me going some morning, but if he didn’t I know I’d be one of those who’ll lose the battle.

I have to end this letter here before I get too run down. (Sarge says to always be careful to budget your energy wisely in war… save some in the reserves whenever possible) Sarge doesn’t know how much longer the uprising will last but I promise I’ll be home as soon as I can. Being out here in the barren and lonely landscape that is depression makes me realize how much I truly love you all and how much I miss good-times and sunshine — God I can’t wait until my awareness lets those things back in!

Until my next letter please tell everyone I miss them and especially remember to tell my little boy that even though daddy can’t play with him right now, I love him very, very much and think of him every day! I’ll write again soon.

Love always,
Daniel

… yep, that’s what it feels like — a sneak attack by the darkness of depression.

  …

Day after day we keep working and fighting the ‘good fight’ but it just seems to take a periodic turn for the worse. Recently it happened again — everything finally started to feel like it was coming together and then — BAM!!! — something gets caught … a little trip and stumble … then a sudden and unexpected fall.

And, that’s depression folks.

It seems like no matter how much you think you have it under control, from time to time life throws us a curve ball and, unlike most people, anyone who has a lifelong affliction with depression finds themselves suddenly sick and tired of trying …

… which I feel is summed up quite nicely by this little inked drawing I found online –

Dealing with depression all my life has given me some odd insights about this world;

• When you try your hardest and it just doesn’t seem to be good enough … it’s depressing.
• When you try to do everything right and things just don’t work out … it’s depressing.
• When you work at finding every solution you can but none of them are within reach … it’s depressing.
• Keeping a positive attitude in the face of constant defeat … it’s depressing.
• And yet, life just keeps going on … it’s depressing.

And the worst part is — when you don’t know you have a mind that twists your own perceptions to look for what sucks, it sucks … but when you DO KNOW that your mind is the thing that is holding you down … well … it still sucks, and there isn’t much you can do about it except keep up practice the things you no longer believe will work until it passes.

If anyone ever wonders why religion still exists in our science based society, it’s because when all other explanations only corrode and destroy one’s hope and dreams … you just have to ride it out on faith … but science doesn’t have faith and some days, neither do I.

(*blech!*)

Kenny Rogers was a country and western singer that my dad listened to growing up, and I always remember a song he wrote about a gambler …

“…ya gotta know when to hold’em … know when to fold’em … know when walk away … and know when to run …”

Today it seems funny now how many people I can think of in my past who used a poker analogy to explain situations in life. From all the gems of wisdom that were bestowed upon me from those people I can pretty much sum it all up as follows;

• If life is a game, it’s a lot like playing poker at a casino.
• No matter how the cards are cut, you can only play the hand which life deals you.
• The optimist will tell you that any hand can win if you’re able play it right.
• The pessimist will say that no matter how good your hand you’ll lose if you can’t read the other players’ ‘tells’.
• People favored by lady luck will assume everyone gets cards as good as theirs.
• People who get the short deal over half the time will realize lady luck plays a much bigger role in success & failure than others may like you to believe.
• And anyone enlightened enough to become aware of the looming realization that, in the end, the house will eventually always take it all — well … if you fight it, it’s called living … when you accept it, it’s called depression … and if you accept it but just don’t give a damn … well, I call that zen.

  (*that’s my perspective anyway!*)