Archive for the ‘NLP in General’ Category

As many of my readers know, one key difference with NLP is the acceptance that every person has his or her own Mental Map or Model of the World — we all have our own way of thinking how the world works. This is what makes NLPers so much more flexible when it comes to working with and communicating with other people — even if we don’t always agree with someone’s perspective we can acknowledge that it exists and work within that person’s beliefs and values.

One of the best stories I came across last year was about a German nursing home for seniors that had figured out a way to actually utilized a patient’s alzheimer’s in ensuring their own safety … to basically keep them from wandering too far off. Here’s the full story:

Fake Bus Stop Keeps Alzheimer’s Patients From Wandering Off

German nursing homes are using a novel strategy to stop Alzheimer’s patients from wandering off: phantom bus stops.

Written by Harry de Quetteville in Berlin, and Published Jun 3, 2008.
(CLICK HERE to go to the original news story)

The idea was first tried at Benrath Senior Centre in Düsseldorf, which pitched an exact replica of a standard stop outside, with one small difference: buses do not use it.

The centre had been forced to rely on police to retrieve patients who wanted to return to their often non-existent homes and families.

Then Benrath teamed up with a local care association called the “Old Lions”. They went to the Rheinbahn transport network which supplied the bus stop.

“It sounds funny but it helps,” said Franz-Josef Goebel, the chairman of the “Old Lions” association.

“Our members are 84 years old on average. Their short-term memory hardly works, but the long-term memory is still active.

“They know the green and yellow bus sign and remember that waiting there means they will go home.”

The result is that errant patients now wait for their trip home at the bus stop, before quickly forgetting why they were there in the first place.

“We will approach them and say that the bus is coming later and invite them in for a coffee,” said Richard Neureither, Benrath’s director. “Five minutes later they have completely forgotten they wanted to leave.”

The idea has proved so successful that it has now been adopted by several other homes across Germany.

Personally … I think it’s damn brilliant of an idea! It totally makes sense from an NLP stand point and it’s proven to work — what more can you ask for? I only hope that my nursing home is that smart when I get to be that age … although, some people say that dementia is just parent’s vengeance for all the trouble you cause during your teenage years.

The best teachers in this world never truly answer questions with statements and the best students never ask questions without having a possible answer …

… aaaaaannd, your thinking: What the hell does that mean?

Well, the 2 most influential teachers in my life taught me those key concepts and, as much as possible, I use them in all the courses and seminars I teach. You see, one person who I learned a lot from never gave me a straight out answer — she always would answer my questions with a question that would help me to connect things in my own mind in order to better understand and relate to the lessons she was teaching. On the flip-side, the second person who taught me a great deal in life never allowed me to ask a question without at least having a guess as to what I thought the answer might be.

In both of these cases I learned the real essence of learning:

Honest Curiosity

Looking for the answer you want to find — deciding what you expect the answer to be and then only seeking information to support your beliefs — is not being honest to the true answer. In the same sense, asking random questions about things which you have no basic knowledge or understanding is useless (kinda like asking the someone to explain trigonometry without even a basic ability to do math) — it’s not being honest to your true level of curiosity.

… and IMHO, the best teachers in the world instill a sense of honest curiosity in their students! (which is part of my never ending quest as an NLP Trainer)

With those thoughts in mind I wanted to share a little inspirational story from a cool website, Zen Moments:

The post was titled My favorite Liar (click the title to go to the original article), and the basic story was as such …

A guy had a professor in college that added an interesting twist to his lectures — it was boring subject so on the first day of class he explained that during every class he would teach one lie and it was the students’ job to catch him in his lie.

At first the lies were easy to spot and students would immediately spot them and raise their hands to question the validity of his statements. When he was caught he’d cross that part out on the board and congratulate them on catching the lie.

As time went on the lies became more subtle and it would take students longer to find them and often it would be only a handful who would question something that was explained a bit earlier in the lecture … until, eventually the professor was able to get through the whole class and no one had caught the lie.

When that happened he would joyfully tell the students that he succeeded and that there was an error somewhere in their notes which they would need to discuss among themselves and present their arguments at the next class. Soon the students had begun to form study groups and had to really dig to determine what lie he had taught them in the previous class ..

… until one day when the students were presenting their thoughts and he simply kept proving them wrong. After the students had exhausted all their possible guesses … the professor said: Do you remember the first lecture – how I said that ‘every lecture has a lie?’ … well, that was a lie. My previous lecture was completely on the level. But I am glad you reviewed your notes rigorously this weekend – a lot of it will be on the final. Moving on …

So, what did that professor teach those students above and beyond the class material? … what was his real legacy as an instructor? — All those students learned:

• ‘Experts’ can be wrong, even when they say things that sound right – so build a habit of evaluating new information and check it against things you already accept as fact. (this goes for seemingly ‘Honest’ truth tellers who often keep confirming that ‘they are hiding nothing’ … are they trying to convince their readers or themselves?)
• If you see something wrong, take the initiative to flag it as misinformation … when things don’t add up, look for the pieces that are missing — having only 1 or 2 pieces of a puzzle will never show you the whole picture (this also applies to singular facts or statements that have been taken out of context)
• A sense of playfulness is the best defense against taking yourself too seriously — everyone makes mistakes and when we do or say something in error there will always be people who will jump on that fact as a way to drag you down and discredit you … don’t take yourself too seriously and you won’t take their comments too seriously either (… and if you don’t take those people who fixate only on mistakes seriously, then no one else will either — accept your errors but focus on your successes so others will do the same)

… something to make you go Hmmmmm…

What the hell is wrong with people on twitter who promote themselves as NLP practitioners and trainers?

I mean, one of the base key elements of NLP is the knowledge that every person on the planet has their very own individualized mental map of how life works … we each have thoughts and memories that help us relate to new experiences! So, can someone please explain to me what all these so called ‘NLP Gurus’ on twitter are doing when they have everything completely automated??

Seriously, what the hell do you need to be thinking? — Sending out an automated response to a new followers to say thanks and ‘hey, connect with me on Facebook, too!‘ … or, setting up automated tweets that quote some famous person … yeah, that totally makes me feel connected wit’ ya there bud! … and the forever on-going tweets about ‘check this out!‘ and ‘I can’t believe I’m giving this away!‘ with short-links — are you a complete fukcing idiot?! … did your NLP trainer teach you nothing, you nim-rod?

If you want to get people to trust you and buy from you in this day and age then social media is an opportunity for NLPers to get inside other people’s way of thinking … to find out what they need & want … and to customize what you offer to make sure it will give your clients and customers exactly what they’re looking for! But, most of all, things like twitter and facebook are made to connect with people (not just sell to them!) … it’s about building trust … by being [and I know this may sound completely crazy!] genuinely interested those other people!

So, to all my fellow NLPers in the world … in fact, to everybody — try asking people questions or responding to theirs … who knows, you might actually engage the other person in a kind of interaction beyond online gaming!

My girlfriend has a a little box of cards that teach Latin and I occasionally take a card and read it just to see what old Latin sayings used to be like. Today I was reading one and had a small revelation!

The greatest disconnection is the one between your conscious mind and unconscious mind.

My mentor, Judy Wright, originally taught us in our NLP prac course that, although NLP is a tool for interpersonal communication, the greatest gift NLP gives a person who learns it is the ability to more clearly and effectively pass knowledge, wisdom and experience between one’s own conscious and unconscious mind with minimal filtering.

For most people in the field of NLP it might seem obvious but for anyone considering taking training in it, remember that it’s both a gift and a curse … because once you become fully self aware it can’t be undone (and sometimes ignorance is bliss — especially when it comes to one’s own short comings).

So there ya go — buyer beware … or, in this case, learner beware! 

Sadly my friends … it is time once again for a Dan Rant — recently, a friend of mine brought to my attention an article published in a local newspaper a few days ago that simply left me shaking my head in disbelief …

The article (Eye movements mirror thought) was about how *Science* is suddenly discovered there is a connection between eye movements and thought patterns … and, in fact, you can use eye patterns to predict what people are thinking! Wow, eh? The fact that this has been a major component of NLP training since the 1970′s is only coincidental — and why is that? … because NLP hasn’t been *Scientifically* proven.

Yep, it’s true. NLP is still today considered nothing more than mumbo-jumbo-witch-doctory-new-age-wish-wash … a scam … a placebo, at best. The only reason is because the way NLP works is to utilize each individual’s personal way of thinking … and that means if I find a way that works to help one person the exact same steps may not work for anyone else! The most effective NLP techniques are constantly in flux based on immediate feedback received from the client — and that means it’s damn near impossible to create a universal set of steps that some scientist in a lab anywhere in the world can replicate! … but … medication can be replicated and proven to work in more than 50% of the cases and that’s good enough for psychologists and psychiatrists to get behind — because it can be *proven* using current scientific methods.

However, now we have these so-called *new* studies that have been discovering wonderous things about the way the human mind works … and lo-and-behold — ye old NLP flim-flam just happens to have been saying the same thing for decades … (*grumble, grumble, grumble!*) …

One of the most powerful components of NLP is it’s ability to influence and persuade others. This powerful skill is something that sets people trained in NLP out front of their competitors.

Since no person is an island by themselves, the fact is that you will require the assistance of others in order to achieve your goals in life. This makes the skills of persuasion very important because there will be situations where you will need to shift another person’s way of thinking in order to convince them to help you (do what you want).

If you’re looking to find the most advanced techniques for persuasion one of the best sources is books and webinars on the topic of sales and selling. The same tactics for better sales can be applied to persuading someone to do or agree to do what you want. In a couple days 3 authors trained in NLP will be putting out a special offer on their books that will include over a $1,000.00 worth of free books, videos, audio files and more, and theirwebsite SalesPersuasionMastery.com is a place to find some good information about persuasion:

• Free Webinar: How To Create A Sales Character Using Acting
• The Benefits of Adopting a Selling Persona
• How To Create Your Own Super Sales Character
• The Art of Building Desire by Asking Questions
• Showing Interest To Deepen rapport
• Improve Your Sales by 50% in 3 Days
• Sealing Commitment

Beyond these freebies their book are filled with even more powerful tools and techniques for building your skills of influence and persuasion. Plus, they will be offering a ton of special bonuses this coming Tuesday, March 30, 2010 — I’ll be posting a special link that morning where you will be able to get all the extras (over a $1,000.00 in free stuff) along with some of the most powerful books on the topic of persuasion that are available today.

The Second International NLP Research Conference has just put out a call for papers! I strongly recommend students of NLP check it out — the more research we continue to build in order to validate the claims of NLP and all our success, the more the scientific community will be unable to deny and discount our abilities.

For everyone who is interested, go to their website here:

http://www.nlpresearchconference.com/

Okay…this was originally posted on Facebook by a wonderfully insightful NLPer, Anita, and I thought the information in it was so important I just have to share it with you…

Many times I hear people pronouncing”truths” about NLP (as if in a church), which obviously are based upon a non-understanding of what it is.

They say, “It doesn’t work.” At that point I look around and ask “Where?” “Where is this thing?”

They look upon me and say “What thing?” I say, “NLP. You said it doesn’t work. Where NLP? Can you make it?”

What specifically does not work or did not work for you?

They name techniques or a technique, name lists upon lists of techniques until my brain is fried.

I take a deep breath, look upon them and…..

I say. “So you say Phobia Cure did not work. How do you know he had one”? ” He told me”, they say.

And you believed him? Why? How did you make sure he really had one. If he didn’t you may have installed one, you know? if you did, you must NOW install a Phobia for a Phobia, which is easy. Just play a slightly different movie and add JAWS soundtract to it.

DONE.

What is he wanted to have one but didn’t get it YET. It is useful to have phobias of certain things.

For instance, Mother in Law phobia (that however can be cured with laxative tea at dinner when they visit SUDDENLY) and play the Jaws soundtract (gently) in the background.

Here is my response to them.

NLP techniques which are numerous, by themselves do not work. They are the tools we use within specific contexts. A tool, however great, is a usless tool unless applied for specific reasons in a specific context, with a specific, verifiable outcome to be achieved.

In order for these great tools to work, I tell them, they need to go back to the “drawing board” and be able to delineate the parameters of the context they are deling with. Make sure you are dealing with what you are told. If he says he a has a phobia, make darn sure it is and that he doesn’t want it.

Nine times out of ten, they have a different problem from the one they want you to believe they have.

Sometimes all they want is a “date”-with you..someone to spill their guts in front of, without any intention of having anything changed, expecting nurturing……… For this purpose, obviously, you will reach out for different tools ( I have a few for emergencies).

I think, by the way, these 8 year long weekly therapist visits are nothing else than contextualized dates. After that many years, people know each other better than spouses. Speaking of polygamy…….

They need to employ the observational skiils, listening skills and question- asking skills, to gather as much information as they can, in order to figure out the situation and how the context had been created.

When they are sure to be sure that surely they know what outcome they are wanting to get, the art begins.

Only then, are the tools useful to elicit the desired outcome (MAKE SURE, IT IS DESIRED, not just by you but by THEM).

In our view, training practitioners needs to be based on the principle of teaching a structure. Students must “organically be drawn to structure delineation. Once we know the structure of the client’s experience, we know how they consistently achieve a particular state, and what they want to change and why, our job is really easy. A structure of anything, including an emotional state ceases to be the the structure if the foundational elements are rearranged or removed.

In order to make a difference in someone’s life, we need to be able to reconstruct for ourselves the model of the world that client had been creating for themselves, understand the structure of it, design a new one that works, use the tools and then verify from our own and a client’s standpoint that this we wanted to achieve had been achieved WITHIN THE ECOLOGY OF THE CONTEXT.

Unfortunately there are many people out there who do not understand the elegance of these methods, and their power. They go into the world teaching others NLP and doing ineffective work with clients, leading to a misunderstanding of this incredible methodology and Richard Bandler’s original intent in Santa Cruz.

Its’ time for a CHANGE!

(The Original Facebook Note was written
by Anita Maria Koslowski)

So…if you’re ready for a change, and you want to learn the tools, techniques — along with the “elegance of these methods, and their power” — please check out the upcoming NLP Practitioner Certification Training Program being taught in Victoria, BC (starting in less than 4 weeks!)… you can find more information here:

Okay — this is simply IMHO — I think NLP is sometimes a little TOO accepting of other people’s model of the world…

First of all, to make certain we’re all on the same level — in NLP we have a set of presuppositions which allow all us NLPers to be more effective communicators… and one of them is about being more open to the realization that every person has their own way of understanding the world based upon their life’s experiences.

It seems simple enough — everyone learns to value different things growing up… if mom and dad were affectionate but poor it’s possible the son/daughter will value relationships more than money… if mom and dad were never around because they worked so much the son/daughter may value money over relationships.

The problem here is that some people do things in this world that seem beyond comprehensible — for example…

(the following is from the Not Always Right website: original post is Craz-E)

Coffee Shop | Baton Rouge, LA, USA

Me: *on the drive-thru intercom* “Welcome to [coffee company]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I need an ‘E’.”

(The customer immediately pulls away from the intercom.)

Me: “What the heck’s an ‘E’?”

Coworker: “Oh, that’s for [famous lawyer]. I don’t remember exactly what it is, but he always expects us to know it. He won’t explain it if you ask. Try a [incredibly complicated drink].”

(The customer refuses to make small talk, and we notice him dump his coffee out his car window as he drives away.)

Coworker: “We must not have got it right. He’ll try the location down the street next.”

or even things like this…

Now, I know as an NLPer I do have the freedom and flexibility to communicate with people like these (because I have) so that I could understand them better… however, that doesn’t change the fact that in the moment — as a normal human being — all I can think is: WTF?

What could possibly be going on in that person’s head and how could they be perceiving the world to think that those behaviors are appropriate? What the hell would have to happen in my life to get me to a point that I’d actually believe that was the most useful way to act?

I’ll be completely honest and say that Dean Hunt is the one who brought this video to my awareness (see the original post here) …

… however, I just needed to share it on my NLP blog, too. The reason being: I love being a Professional NLP Trainer because it not only fills me with a sense of personal accomplishment and pride, knowing that I’m passing on the wisdom, knowledge and experiences that made different in, not only my own life, in the lives of people around the world … doing this job fills me with passion …

… I’m lucky to have found my passion in life and made it into a career — and every time I’m going to teach an NLP class I get filled with excitement and anticipation … all the wonder and joy and amazing moments of personal growth … all the fantastic insights into the secrets of life and how each person can not only improve their own life, but go even further and help make this a world to which we all want to belong …

… it’s all these things that I see on the faces of my students, hear in their voices, feel as they fly out of class filled with excitement and a passion of their own … I’m an NLP Trainer (teacher) and I too can tell you — I make a difference.

  Boo-Ya!