Archive for the ‘Health & Wellness’ Category

I think some of my readers who aren’t experienced with depression have good questions that deserve answers … one of which is:

How the hell does a person with depression who knows that their mind twists things in a negative way actually believe that self-created bull-shit? I mean, if you KNOW that the negative perceptions are illogical then why do you still choose to believe them?

Well, the truth is, the human desire for control over life is one of the basic needs all humans share in order to maintain a sense of safety with regard to their survival. For this sense of safety and control over the things we need in life to survive an average person will seek predictability through daily routines — the proverbial “rut” that people fall into. It’s our rut in life which gives us that sense of security we all so desperately look for because, if we can predict the future, the belief is that we have some level of control over the outcome; however, for a depressed person this is extremely dangerous …

You see, that need for creating patterns in life that can be predicted turns into habits of self-sabotage for many people. In a depressed person this self-sabotage is an outstanding source of comfort as it gives the person a Jedi like skill of clairvoyance at seeing their future — to ALWAYS know how things are going to turn out (through ensuring things always end in failure) it means they’ll always know what to expect and thus can be feel prepared in how to deal with it. The problem resides in the fact that any future they think of will ALWAYS end in ‘failure’ (even if they need to do things in order to make it fail).

So, the trade off to not being afraid of the future is living with the knowledge that the entire rest of one’s life will forever be an ongoing, constant, epic failure! … over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over again … kinda depressing ain’t it?

So, there has been a lot happening in my own life recently, as well as in the lives of those people closest to me, and all the stress, chaos, & misfortune have taken a huge toll on my faith in any unending joy of life, in the belief of that our universe has unlimited abundance, and in the ‘love’ inherent within all of mankind — all of these things I have begun to believe in less and less every day. This ongoing constant barrage of problems, issues, attacks, and setbacks have done a lot to feed that part deep in the back of my mind where my depression lays sleeping and dormant … allowing it to grow stronger and stronger … stirring it to wake.

With all these external issues and incidents, combined with the strengthening of my own negative thought habits, it’s no surprise that discussions in my home have often turned to the ‘pointlessness of life.’ In several of the more recent conversations my girlfriend, Jodie, and I have talked extensively about the Depressing Mind and how it works … and I’ve learned a lot through trying to explain it to someone who can’t relate (and when I say can’t relate I mean totally-opposite-end-of-the-spectrum unable to understand — Jodie is the pollyanna to my jaded darkness).

After all of our talks one very simple explanation of what a Depressing Mindset looks like finally came to light in the form of a metaphor:

If you think of a person as having an internal balancing scale that weighs the good experiences of life against the bad ones, then you can think of human perception as being a type of sorting machine. As events enter a person’s awareness they are sorted to one side or the other — sorted into things that bring the person good feelings (ex. happy, joy, love, humor, excitement, compassion, etc.) and the things that create bad feelings (ex. anger, frustration, hate, fear, sadness, guilt, etc.).

Now, for a normal person that sorting machine is usually somewhat balanced. Occasionally it might be a bit sensitive — the spring would too tight or too loose — in certain contexts or with certain people, but for the most part of life it’s normally quite balanced. Overall, the majority of experiences in the person’s life will fall onto the positive side of the scale, making them feel their life is fairly good.

In a person who is afflicted with depression the whole process is exactly the same, except for one small difference … the sorting machine is broken. Whether it’s because of a chemical imbalance in the brain or simply unhealthy thinking patterns, the little metal sorting arm is twisted and bent out of shape. The result is that even when events ‘should’ be sorted as being positive/pleasurable experiences, some of them accidentally fall onto the negative side of the scale.

A good example of this kind of mistaken sorting in the mind of a depressed person would be the idea of Family and Loved Ones — where the average person might experience these people as being a positive part of their life that bring them joy because of the good feelings they bring (having a positive effect on their life), a person with the depressing mind will only see how they are unable to support and take care of their family and loved ones (having a negative effect on their personal identity and their ability to create a good life). In this way the depression is able to twist almost any life experience (no matter how great it might be) to be proof that life sucks and truly isn’t worth living!

Being a behavior modification coach who specializes in helping people change habits of depression I’ve become more and more aware that there are a lot of things I can offer people who are dealing with depression — I have learned dozens of skills and techniques that can help anyone combat the standard patterns of depression (both thoughts and behaviors) … and yet, those are not the things I want to share most! Those, I’ve discovered, aren’t the things people with depression need most.

As someone who’s faced the demons of depression, fought the battle against the beasts, and has come to terms with the fact that for the rest of my life I will have to work to keep them caged, I’ve learned a lot of things along the way. I know of something that can be more important than actually addressing all those causes of one’s depression — it’s the people who enable those unhealthy habits! In fact, it’s often the people closest to a depression sufferer who shackle them with expectations of negative thought patterns and perceptions.

Ironically, those are the same people who usually judge the person for their pessimistic attitude toward life. Their constant belittling of and accusations about the person’s ongoing lethargic behavior and melancholy comments can be that one extra weight on their already fragile psyche that simply pushes them into thoughts of suicide!

So, I’ve decided I need to do something about that issue! Yes! I’m letting people know that as of January/February (during my ‘winter blues’ period) I have started writing a new book focused on explaining depression to those people who just can’t seem to understand. Anyone who has lived with depression knows exactly what I’m talking about — those people who have at least told them once to just;

• … suck it up and quit whining! Everybody has problems.
• … cheer up — you’re such a downer all the time!
• … let it go — it’s not that big of a deal.
• … stop worrying so much.

– and, no matter how you’ve tried to explain it to them, they just can’t quite wrap their mind around the concept that it’s simply not quite that easy (even with proper help/training/medication). More or less the book will be about what a goes on in the mind of a person with depression and what they must deal with on a daily basis.

Here’s a depressing fact to think about:

As I’ve calculated from my own personal past experience (and have had a handful of my own coaching clients have agreed with) … it’s likely that, on average, when a person who has suffered with depression for a long time is in an up-beat and happy mood they will only have the thought, *I wish I were dead.* about 170 times per day.

In comparison, during a time when that same person is entrenched deep within a terrible bout of depression — i.e. in bed with the covers pulled over their head — the thought, *I wish I were dead.* can potentially run through their mind up to as much as 5 times every minute … which is about 300 times per hour … meaning that, if they lay in bed all day, it’s likely a person with sever depression could wish they were dead well over 2000 times in one day! (OMFG! Talk about a Law of Attraction Epic Fail!)

If you’d like to get a better idea of what the basic premise of the book will be about you can check out the post I did on www.drdansays.com ‘Why did daddy kill himself?’

Boo-ya! It has finally become official — science has proven that my depression skills gives me a mental edge on the pollyannas of the world.

(are you listening Jodie?!)

A study by Australian psychology expert Professor Joe Forgas recently concluded that being in a grumpy mood makes us think more clearly. I choose to interpret this to mean that people who suffer with depression may possibly have a greater ability to make better judgments than the average person — the optimal word there being ‘possibly!’

The recently published article on the BBC News website — Feeling Grumpy ‘is good for you’ — says “Those in a bad mood outperformed those who were jolly — they made fewer mistakes and were better communicators.” Professor Forgas’ explanation for this is: “Whereas positive mood seems to promote creativity, flexibility, co-operation and reliance on mental shortcuts, negative moods trigger more attentive, careful thinking, paying greater attention to the external world.”

I know you’re probably thinking, ‘How the Hell Does That Work?‘

Well, the theory behind this concept is quite simple actually — more or less the idea is that a person who is looking for the ways things can potentially fail, the better chance they have of being prepared for anything that will go wrong along the way. This ‘Eeyore’ kind of mindset, however, does hold its own potential for problems.

A person who has the true power of depression must walk a razor’s edge — always on guard, wary of going too far!

You see, depression (or, as Forgas refers to it, being grumpy) is not a thought process in itself. These are better described as emotions, attitudes or, as NLP calls them, states of mind. As a state of mind it can best be compared to a filter on one’s awareness — a certain way of focusing a person’s attention on specific elements within their perception … looking to see things in a way that will most make sense with their negative attitude about things.

The biggest difference is, where being grumpy is about a certain context or situation, being depressed is a negative attitude towards overall life in general and, although it can sometimes help you think more objectively about things, too much negativity can be just as bad as being too positive. If being too pollyanna makes one gullible then being too grumpy makes one pessimistic, demotivated, and prone to self-sabotage.

It’s one of those kinds of dreams you’ll never forget … I’ve only had a few of them in my life … however, this is one had a profound metaphorical meaning:

I was running … the most vivid thing is I remember I was running … as fast and as hard as I could — through empty streets in an abandoned city … I was fleeing from something … running for my very life! I could feel my heartbeat and hear the rasping of every breath screaming in my ears. I didn’t know what I was running from but I knew it was something big … something darker than pitch black … something that chased me without tiring … knowing where I was and coming straight for me … always!

There were a few close calls — narrow escapes where I was able to duck, dodge, spin, change direction and wheel out of its grasp at the last possible second … barely getting away. It had no form … nothing about it was solid … its touch was like ice … and I could feel it rear up just before it would lunge for me!

I was getting tired … and the only thoughts I remember having were:

• What happened to everyone? Why am I all alone? Where is everybody?
• What the hell is that thing? What am I gonna do?
• I’m getting too tired — I can’t run much more — I need to find somewhere to hide!

It was during that last thought … after I had just ducked in and around and out of an alleyway littered with boxes, trash cans and an old car … that’s when I came around a corner and, since I was out of line of sight from my pursuer, I scrambled into a tall building through a broken glass door. Next thing I was running up a stairwell … it was dark and I was taking the stairs 2 at a time … and I heard it … down below me … coming … coming to get me …

In my mind I pictured being on the roof holding the door closed against the darkness that chased me … and the last thought I had was: If I can just make it to the roof I can–

That’s when it took me … full on … first it seized my foot in mid step and then, before I even had a chance to fall, it grabbed me from behind and enveloped me! — it was black all around me … no thoughts existed … all I could feel was my lungs — my chest would not rise and fall — I couldn’t breathe! The sensation of panic quickly overcame me just before the end …

… and that’s when I woke up — I sat bolt upright in bed … a silent scream still caught in my throat … sweat dripping off my entire body …

When you live with depression as a part of your life (and you get good at recognizing it) you can learn how to feel when it’s coming … like a monster from your nightmares stalking you — you can’t see it … you have no idea where it will come from or when it will attack … but you’ll know when it’s there … hiding … skirting around the edges of the light … empty eyes in the darkness watching you … waiting for something to go wrong before –

But, even when you can recognize its approach … even when you know how to fight it … sometimes the most difficult part of war is to choose the right battlefield — to pick the battleground which offers you the greatest advantages over your enemy.

My one piece of advice for anyone who battles the inner bully of depressing habits — although internet support groups, web comics, and websites filled with useful advice are helpful … they are a terrible place to make a stand!

Like fighting an uphill battle on an icy slope in a snow storm, the anonymity of your suffering maximizes the risk that you will eventually find yourself without support when you need it most! Instead, anchor yourself in reality — real life relationships — which should only be accented by online help … remember my young padawans: Use the internet like a weapon, but do not let it be your entire arsenal!

As many of my readers know, one key difference with NLP is the acceptance that every person has his or her own Mental Map or Model of the World — we all have our own way of thinking how the world works. This is what makes NLPers so much more flexible when it comes to working with and communicating with other people — even if we don’t always agree with someone’s perspective we can acknowledge that it exists and work within that person’s beliefs and values.

One of the best stories I came across last year was about a German nursing home for seniors that had figured out a way to actually utilized a patient’s alzheimer’s in ensuring their own safety … to basically keep them from wandering too far off. Here’s the full story:

Fake Bus Stop Keeps Alzheimer’s Patients From Wandering Off

German nursing homes are using a novel strategy to stop Alzheimer’s patients from wandering off: phantom bus stops.

Written by Harry de Quetteville in Berlin, and Published Jun 3, 2008.
(CLICK HERE to go to the original news story)

The idea was first tried at Benrath Senior Centre in Düsseldorf, which pitched an exact replica of a standard stop outside, with one small difference: buses do not use it.

The centre had been forced to rely on police to retrieve patients who wanted to return to their often non-existent homes and families.

Then Benrath teamed up with a local care association called the “Old Lions”. They went to the Rheinbahn transport network which supplied the bus stop.

“It sounds funny but it helps,” said Franz-Josef Goebel, the chairman of the “Old Lions” association.

“Our members are 84 years old on average. Their short-term memory hardly works, but the long-term memory is still active.

“They know the green and yellow bus sign and remember that waiting there means they will go home.”

The result is that errant patients now wait for their trip home at the bus stop, before quickly forgetting why they were there in the first place.

“We will approach them and say that the bus is coming later and invite them in for a coffee,” said Richard Neureither, Benrath’s director. “Five minutes later they have completely forgotten they wanted to leave.”

The idea has proved so successful that it has now been adopted by several other homes across Germany.

Personally … I think it’s damn brilliant of an idea! It totally makes sense from an NLP stand point and it’s proven to work — what more can you ask for? I only hope that my nursing home is that smart when I get to be that age … although, some people say that dementia is just parent’s vengeance for all the trouble you cause during your teenage years.

As many of my friends know, I read web comics daily — they are what make up a solid 5 minutes of pleasure in my day (no matter what kind of day I’m having) — and one of them is the online comic Sinfest by Tatsuya Ishida. Over the last 3 weeks he’s done a plot line that I believe really explains the process of depressing and I’ve decided to share … (please feel encouraged to click on any of the images to go directly to the actual web comic!)

WARNING!!! This post contains language & humor of an adult nature –
NSFW — reader discretion is advised!!!

To begin, the process of depressing starts with trying to stop caring … whether it’s because you’re too overwhelmed with life or you’ve just gotten sick and tired of constantly failing at things, everything starts with giving up on living (and not giving up on “giving up” as I explained in my post Abandon Hope All Ye Who Are Depressed) — depressors use depression as a way to protect themselves from being hurt by loss and failure, but the problem is it’s like emo kids who dress all goth in order to be different than everyone else — they all look the same! People with depression are just Buddhist posers — they give up trying but still feel bad for failing … the true goal is to give up feeling good or bad for success or failure and just keep doing.

… giving up in an unhealthy way, however, only leads to an ongoing downward spiral …

… into …

… which is where the depressing mind constantly tortures itself with memories of experiences filled with shame, guilt, anger, fear, hurt, sadness, loss, etc. …

… and the worst is that usually a person will face these inner demons alone — never telling their friends about what’s going on … the negative thoughts and feelings … never sharing the pain for fear of causing suffering for others — that’s why so many people with depression will sabotage relationships and push the people they love away … to protect those they love from the suffering which they believe they must face (and solve) on their own …

… and so, the ongoing despair will eventually take hold and become a way of life — always seeing the bad and never taking pleasure in anything positive …

… but! … there is occasionally that one person whom a depressed person hasn’t pushed away far enough … one person (or pet) who knows the kind of person they truly can be — filled with joy and love for life …

… that one person (or pet) who cares enough to search for them … to look beyond the fake smiles and lies about “just being a little tired” (all the time!) …

… however! … that one person (or pet) needs others that they can rely on … friends whom they can turn to for support … to give them the energy to keep fighting to help their friend and loved one who suffers in silence …

… and when they confront that dark and gloomy person it may not be pretty … and it may not be an easy fight …

… trying to remind them of all the things worth living for … to find that one true thing that matters enough to give them the will to keep trying …

… and it may not be just one thing either … it may be necessary for them to remember ALL those things in combination … wrapped up into one existence … although, sometimes it can be just one thing … something as simple as human contact … like a hug … a small gesture to show them that they matter to someone …

… even then, the fight isn’t over … in that stage of depression the person usually isn’t strong enough to stand alone yet … they may need someone with hope to guide them … to take their hand and lead them … tell them what to do … to get up … to eat … small steps … to keep fighting … to keep working toward their dreams … to give them a direction …

… only then will they be able to begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel … to start believing in hope once again … to start walking on their own in life … (at least until the next time they stumble).

It may not exactly like that for everyone who suffers from depression, but I think that’s a pretty good generalization to give you an idea of what the cycle looks like … with some really cute visual representations too. 

As many of you know, NLP was designed as a tool for modeling personal excellence … one key component of which is learning to incorporate the right non-verbal cues into your behavior patterns.

Now, as all my NLP students know, as an NLP coach or counselor you don’t actually do anything — you simply listen, guide and help people uncover, create, develop and install the new thought patterns they need in order to overcome limitations and succeed. To do this effectively it’s necessary to be able to utilize highly advanced super-keen sensory awareness skills! … but where does one learn such things? — from studying nature of course! (after all, NLP is all based entirely on behavioral patterns that naturally occur in every human being … and, apparently, non-human beings as well …

… hmmmm … I think doggy seems to do a pretty good impression of me in a coaching session.

Old tales and childhood stories often spoke about the idea that good things happen to good people … but I’ve learned over time how untrue that really is.

Recently I’ve been blessed to meet people who have taught me just how lucky I really am … in fact, in the last week 3 separate people have shared with me real tragedy that they have, are and will be facing in their lives … tragedy about family, loved ones, loss, grief and so much more. In the end I’m amazed at how many times in the last week I’ve stopped to be thankful for the *normal* things I have taken for granted over the last several years … including:

• my son is alive, healthy and part of my life,
• I have a home and people who love me,
• I may be behind on bills but I’m able to work, I have a job and I’m finding ways to make end meet,
• I have dreams and I’m healthy and strong enough to pursue those dreams,

One such set of people who I was contacted by email was a fellow metaphysician Dr. Debra Ford and her friend Jill Ethier. They recently finished a book called, My Baby Died: Grief without suffering and it had been brought to my attention that they have entered it in a competition for spiritual authors. I’ve learned that they need people to vote for the book if it’s going to go onto the second round so I wanted to let you know about it…

Here is their You Tube video about the book and below it is a link to the competition page where people can vote for it.

If you’d like to support these wonderful women in getting their message out to the world please feel encouraged to vote for their book here:

http://www.nexttopauthor.com/?aid=1946

Sadly my friends … it is time once again for a Dan Rant — recently, a friend of mine brought to my attention an article published in a local newspaper a few days ago that simply left me shaking my head in disbelief …

The article (Eye movements mirror thought) was about how *Science* is suddenly discovered there is a connection between eye movements and thought patterns … and, in fact, you can use eye patterns to predict what people are thinking! Wow, eh? The fact that this has been a major component of NLP training since the 1970′s is only coincidental — and why is that? … because NLP hasn’t been *Scientifically* proven.

Yep, it’s true. NLP is still today considered nothing more than mumbo-jumbo-witch-doctory-new-age-wish-wash … a scam … a placebo, at best. The only reason is because the way NLP works is to utilize each individual’s personal way of thinking … and that means if I find a way that works to help one person the exact same steps may not work for anyone else! The most effective NLP techniques are constantly in flux based on immediate feedback received from the client — and that means it’s damn near impossible to create a universal set of steps that some scientist in a lab anywhere in the world can replicate! … but … medication can be replicated and proven to work in more than 50% of the cases and that’s good enough for psychologists and psychiatrists to get behind — because it can be *proven* using current scientific methods.

However, now we have these so-called *new* studies that have been discovering wonderous things about the way the human mind works … and lo-and-behold — ye old NLP flim-flam just happens to have been saying the same thing for decades … (*grumble, grumble, grumble!*) …