What the hell is wrong with people on twitter who promote themselves as NLP practitioners and trainers?

I mean, one of the base key elements of NLP is the knowledge that every person on the planet has their very own individualized mental map of how life works … we each have thoughts and memories that help us relate to new experiences! So, can someone please explain to me what all these so called ‘NLP Gurus’ on twitter are doing when they have everything completely automated??

Seriously, what the hell do you need to be thinking? — Sending out an automated response to a new followers to say thanks and ‘hey, connect with me on Facebook, too!‘ … or, setting up automated tweets that quote some famous person … yeah, that totally makes me feel connected wit’ ya there bud! … and the forever on-going tweets about ‘check this out!‘ and ‘I can’t believe I’m giving this away!‘ with short-links — are you a complete fukcing idiot?! … did your NLP trainer teach you nothing, you nim-rod?

If you want to get people to trust you and buy from you in this day and age then social media is an opportunity for NLPers to get inside other people’s way of thinking … to find out what they need & want … and to customize what you offer to make sure it will give your clients and customers exactly what they’re looking for! But, most of all, things like twitter and facebook are made to connect with people (not just sell to them!) … it’s about building trust … by being [and I know this may sound completely crazy!] genuinely interested those other people!

So, to all my fellow NLPers in the world … in fact, to everybody — try asking people questions or responding to theirs … who knows, you might actually engage the other person in a kind of interaction beyond online gaming!

Movies can sometimes be a great escape from reality in the sense that it takes you away from the pressing anxieties and worries of your everyday life and submerses you into a whole different world… but it’s not real.

Some movies are even based on real life events and, although we can imagine it happening to the characters in the movie, that would never happen in your life… so it doesn’t actually feel real.

Some movies make us laugh … some make us cry … and others scare the living shit out of us — but they aren’t real!

… but they can be …

I was forced to think about something that left me chilled to the bone recently — forced to face the question we never want to consider … ‘what if it was my family?’

If you haven’t been following the news recently there is a guy who went missing back in February of this year and, even though his family had all reported him missing, he was never found … in fact, because he was over 25 years old he wasn’t even really a priority. Not until he was finally returned to his family several weeks ago …

His mother received that call we all dread … it was the hospital in a city 2 provinces away … and her son was no longer missing. He had been dropped off at the emergency room barely alive. After weeks in intensive care he was finally taken off life support and he was able to breath on his own … but it wasn’t all good news …

… he had been beaten, tortured, repeatedly suffocated, stabbed, cut, and mutilated repeatedly over several months.

This was real life…

These are people I know!

… and then it hit me! — My son turned 10 years old this year and I stopped to think for a moment … what if this ever happened to him? If he had been brutally disfigured and slowly tortured over and over and over … the fear he would feel … the pleading he would do for his life … the prayers he’d offer to be allowed to die … what if?

These are people just like you and me … living in free country where stuff like this doesn’t happen, right? This guy was once 10 years old too … filled with all the wonder and hopes that childhood offers … never once imagining a future so dark and terrifying …

I stopped to imagine if it was my own child … and it filled me with terror, anguish, fear, sadness and rage …

For some of you this is just some words written on some guys blog somewhere in far, far away — just another world event … for some of you this is something that you can imagine would quite horrific for the family that it happened to … but it’ll never happen to you, right?

For everyone else who actually feels what I felt, please visit:

www.DustinLaFortune.com

or click this link to join the Facebook group:

In Support of Dustin LaFortune

Okay… so I’ve noticed a few discussion on wordpress forums about “rating” your blog — and let’s be clear here… this is my personal blog, in no way business related like my other websites — and people seem to be getting concerned about identifying a blog’s suitability for younger readers…

…so I have decided to take a moment to be absolutely up front about how appropriate my personal blog is for the general public — and my suggestion is: IT”S NOT!

Yep, that’s right, I’m telling you … my loyal readers … that this blog is set at an R rating! There are several reasons for this:

• first, this is my personal blog … a place where I can let my hair down (metaphorically speaking since I’m bald) and give my honest opinion and advice about topics ranging from depression and suicide to web comics and NLP jokes.
• there are too many people on the planet and no matter who you are or what you say you’re going to upset somebody somewhere … it’s just a fact, and I can’t censor my posts to be acceptable to everyone because I wouldn’t be able to say anything then … and even that would upset people against censorship!
• although this is an NLP related blog that has a tendency to focus on dealing with depression, the truth is that in everyday language that people use include profanity and inappropriate comments or things that can be construed in a bad way … and I write the way I speak, think and live — no holds barred!

Now, I’m not setting forth with the intention to offend people – it’s simply the fact that I don’t filter my blog content the way I do my professional website stuff. There is never gonna be stuff like porn or over-the-top x rated humor or anything like that here… that’s not what this website is meant for!

Rather, this is a place where we can talk about NLP and it’s applications for stuff like depression openly and candidly … and, as a reader of this blog (or subscriber of the rss feed), I feel obligated to warn you that some readers may find the language, humor or topics of discussion here on this website to be inappropriate or offensive!

The language censors are offline and tact has gone completely out the window from this post forward my friends! You have been forewarned … so, be prepared! (*mwha,ha,ha,ha!*)

(No it’s not actually gonna be that bad — just more WTF’s and stupid dumb-ass shit like that.)

I’ve tried to ‘get’ the concept of this social media thing for several weeks (perhaps even months) so I decided it was time to get help from a social media coach (Jodie Gastel of In Jodie’s Brain) and with her help I think I’m finally really beginning to get a bit of a knack for it … or, at least, understand what’s happening … and what I need to do. 

For anybody who’s wondering about social media, and what it entails, I’ll give you a general idea of what it looks like for someone in my position:

Twitter Stuff

Keeping up with twittering means having a finger on the pulse of what’s happening now and responding to people and sharing my opinions and input … times 3 for me — because I’ve got 3 Twitter accounts that need to be kept up at least twice daily:

• @Scion_of_NLP
• @Verbal_Sensei
• @Dr_Dan_Says

Facebook Stuff

Facebook (or LinkedIn or whatever social networking sites you belong to) is all about connecting with people who share your interests. In my case that means I need to be involved with stuff happening on my profile page as well as my fan pages and my group discussions:

• My Facebook Profile
• Soaring Success Fan Page
• Verbal Defense Tactics Fan Page
• My Anti-Bullying Group

Website Updates

In this case I’m working on 5 websites (currently only 4 are ready and working) which need at least a new post/article per week … and yes, I am aware that of late I haven’t been keeping up on my social media responsibilities in this area — I’ve been working on getting my sites backend PHP coding cleaned up so that updates and website upkeep would be more manageable.

• Scion of NLP (my personal blog — this site)
• Soaring Success (the NLP side of business website)
• Verbal Self Defense Tactics (the Verbal Self Defense side of business website)
• Dr. Dan Says (my professional behaviorist site)
• The ‘Un-named’ Site (a website about defense against inappropriate uses of NLP)

Yep… a year ago I’d have said it was a tall order, however, today it’s becoming more and more within my level of skills and abilities. In no time I shall become a true Social Media Jedi (*add in sound effect of swinging light-saber here!*). 

If you have a small business of your own, and you have any hope of building it into a self-sustaining business these days, I strongly recommend finding yourself a social media coach like Jodie — she actually sat beside me and walked me through how to pick and choose what I respond to … what should (and should NOT) be said … all the lingo … everything!

Thank you Jodie! — you soooooo ROCK!

My girlfriend has a a little box of cards that teach Latin and I occasionally take a card and read it just to see what old Latin sayings used to be like. Today I was reading one and had a small revelation!

The greatest disconnection is the one between your conscious mind and unconscious mind.

My mentor, Judy Wright, originally taught us in our NLP prac course that, although NLP is a tool for interpersonal communication, the greatest gift NLP gives a person who learns it is the ability to more clearly and effectively pass knowledge, wisdom and experience between one’s own conscious and unconscious mind with minimal filtering.

For most people in the field of NLP it might seem obvious but for anyone considering taking training in it, remember that it’s both a gift and a curse … because once you become fully self aware it can’t be undone (and sometimes ignorance is bliss — especially when it comes to one’s own short comings).

So there ya go — buyer beware … or, in this case, learner beware! 

As many of my friends know, I read web comics daily — they are what make up a solid 5 minutes of pleasure in my day (no matter what kind of day I’m having) — and one of them is the online comic Sinfest by Tatsuya Ishida. Over the last 3 weeks he’s done a plot line that I believe really explains the process of depressing and I’ve decided to share … (please feel encouraged to click on any of the images to go directly to the actual web comic!)

WARNING!!! This post contains language & humor of an adult nature –
NSFW — reader discretion is advised!!!

To begin, the process of depressing starts with trying to stop caring … whether it’s because you’re too overwhelmed with life or you’ve just gotten sick and tired of constantly failing at things, everything starts with giving up on living (and not giving up on “giving up” as I explained in my post Abandon Hope All Ye Who Are Depressed) — depressors use depression as a way to protect themselves from being hurt by loss and failure, but the problem is it’s like emo kids who dress all goth in order to be different than everyone else — they all look the same! People with depression are just Buddhist posers — they give up trying but still feel bad for failing … the true goal is to give up feeling good or bad for success or failure and just keep doing.

… giving up in an unhealthy way, however, only leads to an ongoing downward spiral …

… into …

… which is where the depressing mind constantly tortures itself with memories of experiences filled with shame, guilt, anger, fear, hurt, sadness, loss, etc. …

… and the worst is that usually a person will face these inner demons alone — never telling their friends about what’s going on … the negative thoughts and feelings … never sharing the pain for fear of causing suffering for others — that’s why so many people with depression will sabotage relationships and push the people they love away … to protect those they love from the suffering which they believe they must face (and solve) on their own …

… and so, the ongoing despair will eventually take hold and become a way of life — always seeing the bad and never taking pleasure in anything positive …

… but! … there is occasionally that one person whom a depressed person hasn’t pushed away far enough … one person (or pet) who knows the kind of person they truly can be — filled with joy and love for life …

… that one person (or pet) who cares enough to search for them … to look beyond the fake smiles and lies about “just being a little tired” (all the time!) …

… however! … that one person (or pet) needs others that they can rely on … friends whom they can turn to for support … to give them the energy to keep fighting to help their friend and loved one who suffers in silence …

… and when they confront that dark and gloomy person it may not be pretty … and it may not be an easy fight …

… trying to remind them of all the things worth living for … to find that one true thing that matters enough to give them the will to keep trying …

… and it may not be just one thing either … it may be necessary for them to remember ALL those things in combination … wrapped up into one existence … although, sometimes it can be just one thing … something as simple as human contact … like a hug … a small gesture to show them that they matter to someone …

… even then, the fight isn’t over … in that stage of depression the person usually isn’t strong enough to stand alone yet … they may need someone with hope to guide them … to take their hand and lead them … tell them what to do … to get up … to eat … small steps … to keep fighting … to keep working toward their dreams … to give them a direction …

… only then will they be able to begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel … to start believing in hope once again … to start walking on their own in life … (at least until the next time they stumble).

It may not exactly like that for everyone who suffers from depression, but I think that’s a pretty good generalization to give you an idea of what the cycle looks like … with some really cute visual representations too. 

As many of you know, NLP was designed as a tool for modeling personal excellence … one key component of which is learning to incorporate the right non-verbal cues into your behavior patterns.

Now, as all my NLP students know, as an NLP coach or counselor you don’t actually do anything — you simply listen, guide and help people uncover, create, develop and install the new thought patterns they need in order to overcome limitations and succeed. To do this effectively it’s necessary to be able to utilize highly advanced super-keen sensory awareness skills! … but where does one learn such things? — from studying nature of course! (after all, NLP is all based entirely on behavioral patterns that naturally occur in every human being … and, apparently, non-human beings as well …

… hmmmm … I think doggy seems to do a pretty good impression of me in a coaching session.

They say that NLP focuses a lot on how the brain filters perceptions … often considered to be one’s own unique perspective of the world — basically we can think that everyone has a unique way of seeing things; how ideas relate, how concepts are inter-connected, how stuff works, why things happen, etc.

For NLPers these lines of individual perspectives begin to blur because we have a greater degree of flexibility in how we understand other people and their person models of the world — people with NLP training have learned to let go of their own filters as much as possible so they can better relate to the way someone else is perceiving an experience.

For anyone who prefers to learn through the visual representational system it can best be explained by the video below … you might have one point of view but if you gently allow the viewer to guide you in changing the way you see the same idea it becomes possible to understand the world as seen through their eyes — case in point:

So, the next time you’re arguing with someone and you hear them say things like: You just aren’t getting it, or You don’t understand! — this means you’re too stuck in seeing the topic through your own filters. Trying letting go of your expectations, assumptions and past experiences that limit your perceptions of the topic at hand … and then consider only what the other person is saying and what it tells you about how they perceive things.

After you’ve done that it becomes possible to recognize what it is you have in your mental map of the world that has given you that particular belief, value, point of view, etc. … and that’s what you need to explain in order to help them relate better to your way of seeing things. 

Old tales and childhood stories often spoke about the idea that good things happen to good people … but I’ve learned over time how untrue that really is.

Recently I’ve been blessed to meet people who have taught me just how lucky I really am … in fact, in the last week 3 separate people have shared with me real tragedy that they have, are and will be facing in their lives … tragedy about family, loved ones, loss, grief and so much more. In the end I’m amazed at how many times in the last week I’ve stopped to be thankful for the *normal* things I have taken for granted over the last several years … including:

• my son is alive, healthy and part of my life,
• I have a home and people who love me,
• I may be behind on bills but I’m able to work, I have a job and I’m finding ways to make end meet,
• I have dreams and I’m healthy and strong enough to pursue those dreams,

One such set of people who I was contacted by email was a fellow metaphysician Dr. Debra Ford and her friend Jill Ethier. They recently finished a book called, My Baby Died: Grief without suffering and it had been brought to my attention that they have entered it in a competition for spiritual authors. I’ve learned that they need people to vote for the book if it’s going to go onto the second round so I wanted to let you know about it…

Here is their You Tube video about the book and below it is a link to the competition page where people can vote for it.

If you’d like to support these wonderful women in getting their message out to the world please feel encouraged to vote for their book here:

http://www.nexttopauthor.com/?aid=1946

Sadly my friends … it is time once again for a Dan Rant — recently, a friend of mine brought to my attention an article published in a local newspaper a few days ago that simply left me shaking my head in disbelief …

The article (Eye movements mirror thought) was about how *Science* is suddenly discovered there is a connection between eye movements and thought patterns … and, in fact, you can use eye patterns to predict what people are thinking! Wow, eh? The fact that this has been a major component of NLP training since the 1970′s is only coincidental — and why is that? … because NLP hasn’t been *Scientifically* proven.

Yep, it’s true. NLP is still today considered nothing more than mumbo-jumbo-witch-doctory-new-age-wish-wash … a scam … a placebo, at best. The only reason is because the way NLP works is to utilize each individual’s personal way of thinking … and that means if I find a way that works to help one person the exact same steps may not work for anyone else! The most effective NLP techniques are constantly in flux based on immediate feedback received from the client — and that means it’s damn near impossible to create a universal set of steps that some scientist in a lab anywhere in the world can replicate! … but … medication can be replicated and proven to work in more than 50% of the cases and that’s good enough for psychologists and psychiatrists to get behind — because it can be *proven* using current scientific methods.

However, now we have these so-called *new* studies that have been discovering wonderous things about the way the human mind works … and lo-and-behold — ye old NLP flim-flam just happens to have been saying the same thing for decades … (*grumble, grumble, grumble!*) …