Scion of NLP

Posts Tagged ‘process’

As many of my friends know, I read web comics daily — they are what make up a solid 5 minutes of pleasure in my day (no matter what kind of day I’m having) — and one of them is the online comic Sinfest by Tatsuya Ishida. Over the last 3 weeks he’s done a plot line that I believe really explains the process of depressing and I’ve decided to share … (please feel encouraged to click on any of the images to go directly to the actual web comic!)

WARNING!!! This post contains language & humor of an adult nature –
NSFW — reader discretion is advised!!!

To begin, the process of depressing starts with trying to stop caring … whether it’s because you’re too overwhelmed with life or you’ve just gotten sick and tired of constantly failing at things, everything starts with giving up on living (and not giving up on “giving up” as I explained in my post Abandon Hope All Ye Who Are Depressed) — depressors use depression as a way to protect themselves from being hurt by loss and failure, but the problem is it’s like emo kids who dress all goth in order to be different than everyone else — they all look the same! People with depression are just Buddhist posers — they give up trying but still feel bad for failing … the true goal is to give up feeling good or bad for success or failure and just keep doing.

… giving up in an unhealthy way, however, only leads to an ongoing downward spiral …

… into …

… which is where the depressing mind constantly tortures itself with memories of experiences filled with shame, guilt, anger, fear, hurt, sadness, loss, etc. …

… and the worst is that usually a person will face these inner demons alone — never telling their friends about what’s going on … the negative thoughts and feelings … never sharing the pain for fear of causing suffering for others — that’s why so many people with depression will sabotage relationships and push the people they love away … to protect those they love from the suffering which they believe they must face (and solve) on their own …

… and so, the ongoing despair will eventually take hold and become a way of life — always seeing the bad and never taking pleasure in anything positive …

… but! … there is occasionally that one person whom a depressed person hasn’t pushed away far enough … one person (or pet) who knows the kind of person they truly can be — filled with joy and love for life …

… that one person (or pet) who cares enough to search for them … to look beyond the fake smiles and lies about “just being a little tired” (all the time!) …

… however! … that one person (or pet) needs others that they can rely on … friends whom they can turn to for support … to give them the energy to keep fighting to help their friend and loved one who suffers in silence …

… and when they confront that dark and gloomy person it may not be pretty … and it may not be an easy fight …

… trying to remind them of all the things worth living for … to find that one true thing that matters enough to give them the will to keep trying …

… and it may not be just one thing either … it may be necessary for them to remember ALL those things in combination … wrapped up into one existence … although, sometimes it can be just one thing … something as simple as human contact … like a hug … a small gesture to show them that they matter to someone …

… even then, the fight isn’t over … in that stage of depression the person usually isn’t strong enough to stand alone yet … they may need someone with hope to guide them … to take their hand and lead them … tell them what to do … to get up … to eat … small steps … to keep fighting … to keep working toward their dreams … to give them a direction …

… only then will they be able to begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel … to start believing in hope once again … to start walking on their own in life … (at least until the next time they stumble).

It may not exactly like that for everyone who suffers from depression, but I think that’s a pretty good generalization to give you an idea of what the cycle looks like … with some really cute visual representations too. 

The Karate Kid has been remade for the new generation and is set to be released in June of 2010, starring Jackie Chan as Mr. Han — this new film’s “Mr. Miyagi.” Having viewed the trailers, however, it seems obvious that the basic premise remains the same.

For anyone unfamiliar with the original Karate Kid from 1984, Mr. Miyagi was the wise old master who taught the kid karate. Most notably, Mr. Miyagi was famous for giving the kid “chores” to do in return for teaching him to fight back against the local bullies. What wasn’t apparent at first was that the chores he was doing were actually techniques he would use in the act of self defense.

In the field of Neuro Linguistic Programming this is a very simplified (and direct) form of “Mapping.” The process of mapping in NLP is a way to transfer a skill or ability (along with the mental strategy/behavioral pattern) from one context to another. The key secret within using mapping in Mr. Miyagi’s style of teaching karate was to avoid the negative feelings one often feels in the process of learning — that sense of shame that comes with becoming consciously aware of one’s own incompetence.

As a person progresses through the learning cycle of Unconscious Incompetence to Conscious Incompetence to Conscious Competence to Unconscious Competence, many kids will experience feelings of embarrassment and low self-esteem when they first try something and find they are unable to do it as easily, as effortlessly, and as well as the teacher (or as well as other students). However, for everyone who has seen the original Karate Kid movie, you’ll remember that the kid did things like painting a fence, waxing cars, sanding a deck and painting Mr. Miyagi’s fence. The physical movements of these tasks were then mapped across to the context of martial arts in the form of karate blocks.

Now, if you broaden the definition of “behaviors” to include things such as mental and emotional states, beliefs, decision making, learning, understanding, creativity, etc. it becomes possible to map neuro linguistic patterns across almost any context. If you are unable to find creative solutions easily and effortlessly at work, but you can solve logic puzzles in internet flash games, then NLP allows you to map that mental strategy from games to work — without the need to go through the process of unconscious incompetence or conscious competence. The same applies to things like believing you can do something (i.e. confidence). Your trust and belief in your abilities can be mapped across to other situations where you know everything you need to know, but you suffer from fear of failure.

Mapping does have limits, however. The concern is that whatever you are mapping requires you to have ALL the pieces. Just because you can confidently operate a car doesn’t mean you can simply map those skills across and suddenly be able to fly a fighter jet. The key is to take something you know and apply it to things you already have the knowledge to do. In the case of Karate Kid, Mr. Miyagi wasn’t teaching the kid to paint a fence; he was making sure he had the competence of painting a fence. Only then could he be certain it would map across to karate — all the movements, skills, and abilities used in working with the paint brush were identical to the movements, skills, and abilities to do that form of block in karate.

How many inherent skills do YOU have that you don’t even realize yet? What else do you think you could accomplish if you figured out the skills you already have, and applied them to something new? The process of figuring out HOW you do things, as well as how to use them in other situations, is a large part of any good NLP Practitioner training program.

Perhaps it’s possible… you may already know how to catch a fly with chopsticks.