Scion of NLP

Posts Tagged ‘trash cans’

It’s one of those kinds of dreams you’ll never forget … I’ve only had a few of them in my life … however, this is one had a profound metaphorical meaning:

I was running … the most vivid thing is I remember I was running … as fast and as hard as I could — through empty streets in an abandoned city … I was fleeing from something … running for my very life! I could feel my heartbeat and hear the rasping of every breath screaming in my ears. I didn’t know what I was running from but I knew it was something big … something darker than pitch black … something that chased me without tiring … knowing where I was and coming straight for me … always!

There were a few close calls — narrow escapes where I was able to duck, dodge, spin, change direction and wheel out of its grasp at the last possible second … barely getting away. It had no form … nothing about it was solid … its touch was like ice … and I could feel it rear up just before it would lunge for me!

I was getting tired … and the only thoughts I remember having were:

• What happened to everyone? Why am I all alone? Where is everybody?
• What the hell is that thing? What am I gonna do?
• I’m getting too tired — I can’t run much more — I need to find somewhere to hide!

It was during that last thought … after I had just ducked in and around and out of an alleyway littered with boxes, trash cans and an old car … that’s when I came around a corner and, since I was out of line of sight from my pursuer, I scrambled into a tall building through a broken glass door. Next thing I was running up a stairwell … it was dark and I was taking the stairs 2 at a time … and I heard it … down below me … coming … coming to get me …

In my mind I pictured being on the roof holding the door closed against the darkness that chased me … and the last thought I had was: If I can just make it to the roof I can–

That’s when it took me … full on … first it seized my foot in mid step and then, before I even had a chance to fall, it grabbed me from behind and enveloped me! — it was black all around me … no thoughts existed … all I could feel was my lungs — my chest would not rise and fall — I couldn’t breathe! The sensation of panic quickly overcame me just before the end …

… and that’s when I woke up — I sat bolt upright in bed … a silent scream still caught in my throat … sweat dripping off my entire body …

When you live with depression as a part of your life (and you get good at recognizing it) you can learn how to feel when it’s coming … like a monster from your nightmares stalking you — you can’t see it … you have no idea where it will come from or when it will attack … but you’ll know when it’s there … hiding … skirting around the edges of the light … empty eyes in the darkness watching you … waiting for something to go wrong before –

But, even when you can recognize its approach … even when you know how to fight it … sometimes the most difficult part of war is to choose the right battlefield — to pick the battleground which offers you the greatest advantages over your enemy.

My one piece of advice for anyone who battles the inner bully of depressing habits — although internet support groups, web comics, and websites filled with useful advice are helpful … they are a terrible place to make a stand!

Like fighting an uphill battle on an icy slope in a snow storm, the anonymity of your suffering maximizes the risk that you will eventually find yourself without support when you need it most! Instead, anchor yourself in reality — real life relationships — which should only be accented by online help … remember my young padawans: Use the internet like a weapon, but do not let it be your entire arsenal!